Think Above Par | Your Mental Caddy for Golf Mindset & Performance
Serious golfer? You know you’ve got the talent—but your brain keeps getting in the way. Think Above Par helps you master the mental game of golf, stop overthinking, and quit worrying about what others think on the course so you can play calm, confident, and consistent golf every round.
If you’re a serious golfer who knows you’re leaving shots out on the course, Think Above Par is your go-to podcast for mastering the mental game of golf. Hosted by Kathy Hart —a former Tour player, Top 50 Teacher, and Certified Mental Coach—each episode helps you strengthen your golf mindset, manage pressure, and play calm, confident, and consistent golf.
You’ll discover why you underperform under pressure, how to stop overthinking your swing, and what to do when you’re worried about what others think on the golf course. Whether you struggle with performance anxiety, perfectionism, or negative self-talk, Kathy shares proven mental-game tools to help you unlock your talent, enjoy the game again, and lower your golf scores.
Learn how to think above par—so you can play below par. Subscribe now to your weekly dose of golf mindset coaching and start transforming your golf brain today.
Think Above Par | Your Mental Caddy for Golf Mindset & Performance
How to Play Your Best With a Golf Partner
•Kathy Hart Wood•Episode 130
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In this episode, we delve into the often overlooked aspect of being a good golf partner and navigating the mental challenges of playing in tournaments with a partner.
Discover four key strategies that will help you establish a strong partner relationship before stepping onto the course.
We explore the power of open communication with your partner, setting boundaries, and being mindful of the words and body language you use during the game. Learn how to avoid unnecessary pressure and distractions, allowing you to focus on your own game and perform at your best.
Welcome to Above Par. I'm your host, Kathy Hartwood. I show you how to take more of your talent to the golf course without practicing harder, taking more lessons, or buying new equipment. I show you how to end the frustration of underperforming so you can start playing to your potential. This is where you are going to learn how to think above par so you can play below par. Let's get to it. Hi golf friend. Nice to have you here and listening. I really appreciate you tuning in each week and um taking what I share with you here out onto the golf course and in your day-to-day life. I appreciate it. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear your success stories that you share with me on social media and in an emails. So please keep them coming. I love to hear them. And one of the topics that comes up a lot is playing with a partner. Partner golf, especially at a country club. You're gonna have a partner, whether it's a best ball, an alternate shot. You sign up for these team events, and then we end up having a lot of drama about playing golf with a partner. It can even be your best friend, someone that you've played a lot of events with. We still have drama about it. And what I want to talk to you today is about how to be a good partner, how to have a good partner relationship in golf. I'm gonna give you four things that are gonna be really helpful for you to set up before you go out and play in your next event. Why? Because when we go out and play and we're focused on our partner and what they're thinking and what they're doing, we are distracted from our own game. It's challenging enough for you to go out and manage your brain by yourself, let alone now when you're managing your brain and you're trying to manage a partner's brain, or you're affected by your partner in your group. Whether they're doing something, saying something, or you're worried about their feelings while you're out there playing, it becomes so hard for you to show up and be calm and certain or confident on the golf course and over shots. What happens is we're nervous and we're anxious and we feel pressure to perform. No one plays well under pressure. We've got to learn how to pivot away from pressure. So, what I want to talk to you about is setting up yourself for success before you go and tee off. It's about having a conversation and an agreement with your partner before you go play. Now, I've shared this with a lot of people, and I get some pushback on this because people are just uncomfortable to have conversations. Like, oh, I don't want to say this to them. I don't want to have this conversation. It's going to be awkward. Well, something's going to be awkward, my friend. Either having this conversation or being out on the golf course standing over a three-foot putt with a lot of pressure, and then having to look at your partner with that look on their face of disappointment because you couldn't swing or make a putting stroke from pressure. One of them's going to be awkward. Let's pick the conversation. Uncomfortable or awkward are not a problem. They're just emotions. It just takes a little bit of courage to go through that first step of having this conversation with your partner and coming to an agreement. And I'm going to say, if you can't do it, send them this podcast. Like, I have a subtle hint for you. Listen to this. And if someone else needs to initiate the conversation, that's fine. Maybe I should come up with like a cheat sheet that people can print out and they can hand to their partner, like a checklist so that you can have your best experience out on the golf course. And the reason I'm doing this is because I want you to play well. I want you to have a good time. I want you to not be worried about your partner. Or what happens a lot is saying the wrong things to your partner. So let me give you a few examples of things that I think are going to be very useful for you to set boundaries before you go out and play. So you and your partner are gonna have a conversation, or you're gonna or you're gonna talk to your partner and you're going to agree not to say I'm sorry on the golf course. When you say I'm sorry, it insinuates you did something wrong. You don't feel good when you say I'm sorry, it's basically say I'm sorry, I messed up, and you feel bad, and now your partner has to sit there and say, it's okay, don't worry about it. And we're wasting all this energy and emotion about apologizing for making a mistake. We have to agree, nobody wants to make a mistake. Both of us want to play well. We're doing the best we can and agree not to say I'm sorry. You don't want to say I'm sorry that I hit it in the rough. I'm not, I'm sorry I hit it in the bunker, I'm sorry I missed that three-foot putt. This is golf. So we're not gonna say I'm sorry, and we're not gonna say that's okay. It's just a negative emotion. You're in a negative place, and I want you to be calm, uncertain, or confident. And feeling guilty or ashamed is not useful. You did the best you could, it didn't work. Let's move on. Next shot. Okay, and the second one is what not to say on the golf course. Do you like it when your partner says, I just want to remind you, you got a shot here. Don't forget. All right, make a good swing. Do you like that or don't you like it? Most people don't like it. But if you're one like, oh yeah, I forgot, why does it matter? You should be trying, technically, equally on every hole. Does it behoove you to know that you have a shot? Because that means you're gonna focus and try harder? Is it useful? Maybe. Most of the time it's not so useful. But we can have a partner that reminds us like, don't forget you have a shot here. And you have two on the next hole. So play hard. I just don't think it's very useful. It's so funny when people say that. And I know the intent is that it's helpful, but it's worth having the conversation if it is or isn't. If you're the person who reminds people that they get a shot there, those words usually create pressure. And when you wonder why your partner didn't perform very well, it might have been the words. So if you're that person who's reminding people that you where you get shots, just so you know, in case you're not paying attention, I'd want to confirm with your partner if it's a useful thing to do. Every once in a while, I'll hear someone say, Yes, please remind me. I'm like, Well, what the heck have you been doing on the other holes then? If you need a reminder, does that mean you're like engaging now? I don't know. But you get to decide, have that conversation. Is it useful for your partner to tell you you need to make this? Don't hit it in the water. You need to hit the green here. You have to get up and down for us to win the hole or tie the hole. Are those useful things for you to hear? I'm gonna venture to say no. So you might have a partner who chronically is reminding you of where you stand and what you need to do, and it ends up feeling like pressure to you, and you're not really sure or skilled enough to pivot out of it, because you can't get the thought out of your head, because we can't unhear things once we hear them. It would be worth having the conversation before you go out and play. And like, listen, I know where I stand. I don't need you to remind me on the golf course, it's a distraction. I don't perform better, and I'm not gonna remind you either. Or you're gonna sit there and go, tell me. I love it. I love it when you tell me that I need to make a punt to win the hole. I'm gonna tell you, if you're that person, you probably already know. So you don't need the reminder. If you're a person who loves to hear that and you dial it in, you probably don't need the reminder that you need this putt to win the hole. But there is no right or wrong answer here. It's you deciding what works best for you and having that communication with your partner ahead of time so that the two of you can show up with a very quiet mind and your best game. You don't want your partner out there saying things to you, and in your head you're like, oh, and I wish they'd shut up and stop saying that. They're putting so much pressure on me. You don't want to have to deal with that dialogue in your head either. Now you're annoyed at your partner. That's why I said it's gonna be awkward one way or the other. Might as well have the conversation ahead of time. I've I've seen people who have gone out there and mentioned things about people's game and their swing and what they're doing wrong. Unsolicited advice. Do you want that? Do you want someone to pinpoint if you're doing a specific move because you're working on something? Great. Or do you have a partner who just randomly blurts out, you know, your swing is long and now you start focusing on your swing? What do you like people mentioning about about your swing and not so much? I mean, you don't have to go through a litany of things that you like, but just say, you know what, if you're gonna say anything, tempo is a good thing to say to me. Don't tell me something mechanically I'm doing wrong on my swing. Playing golf is not the time to work on your swing mechanics unless you're on the operating table bleeding and you need to get sewn up. If you're not there, tempo. Minimal swing thoughts. Which is the third thing is what do you like people to say? For me, it's tempo. Like if you're gonna remind me of anything, tempo. Put a good swing on it. You got this partner. What words do you like to hear, or what things are you open to hearing from your partner? That's the third thing. And the fourth thing is reacting to negative shots. People are really good, women particularly at reading facial expressions. Your partner likely doesn't want to know that they disappointed you. So a heavy sigh, a rolled eye, a look of disappointment is not useful. It's not helpful. There's no upside to it. So agree that we're doing the best we can out here. We're gonna have some good holes, we're not gonna have some good holes, or we're gonna have some good shots, we're not gonna have some good shots, but we're not going to express our disappointment with the other partner. Now, this seems like a no-brainer, but I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed this and watched this. And even if you haven't said the words, like I said, your facial expression says so much. And why is all of this important? Because remember, what I say is for you to play your best golf, you want to hit as many shots from calm, certain, and confident as possible. And if you're dealing with the pressure of worrying about what your partner is thinking, especially if you're a people pleaser and you really don't want them to be disappointed, you're gonna have extra pressure on there. Now, you're gonna have pressure or nerves or fear or disappointment. You are dealing with more management to get back to being calm, certain, and confident. So let's get ahead of it. Let's minimize all those things. So there's less that's going to show up on the golf course. There's gonna be some, there's gonna be something, but there's no sense you two are on the same page working for the same goal. There's no sense you working against each other in that environment. So have the conversation before you go out and play so that your partner and you can show up and support each other versus getting in the other person's way. Just start by agreeing not to say you're sorry. Decide what not to say. If you've played in enough events, you've been with some people who have said the wrong things. Do you want to be reminded about where you get strokes? Do you want to be reminded this is your hole? Do you want to get reminded that you have to make this putt so that we win? And then three, decide what you do like to hear. Tell your partner what you like to hear. Don't tell me about my swing, but help me focus on my tempo. Over short putts, remind me to keep my head still. Listen for the ball to go in. That's useful for me. I feel like you're encouraging me and supporting me. And then four, be very conscious of about reacting to shots with facial expressions or body language so that we don't go through disappointment unnecessarily and have to work even harder to get us back ourselves back to one of the three C's. Okay, so with all that being said, you can ask your partner, but this also might be a little self-awareness. You might not even notice that you're saying some of these things on the golf course and how much they're distracting somebody. Another thing that's really revealing is how uncomfortable it is for you to have this conversation. When I go play at a club where I have to take a caddy, and I do I'm not familiar with this caddy, and I just want to preface this saying that I'm a very nice person, but I'm very blunt about setting my boundaries up with this caddy. I say, Hi, Billy Joe Bob. It's nice to see you, whatever his name is. And in a nutshell, I say, when I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. Do not volunteer information to me unless I ask you for it. Do not tell me which way the green breaks. If I can't figure it out, I'm gonna ask you. Okay, why do I do that? Because I've had so many caddies that I do not know, that I've never played golf with before, who are not really familiar with either my game or the golf.
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So they'll stand on the tee, and they're like, oh, don't forget there's like a bunch of out of bounds and water up there, and there's a big huge bunker that you're dead if you go in. And they're like going, all right, what club do you want to hit? It's like I didn't need any of that information. Or I'll stand on the green and he's like, he'll say, I think you should play it two balls outside on the left. I didn't ask you. I need to figure out the speed first and I can figure out the break. He doesn't know how hard I'm gonna hit it. So, but I can't unhear it. So if I get stuck, or if I don't know, then I'll ask him. And then I'll get a taste for how much information he has as a caddy and how it's either gonna help me or not help me. But I've had so many caddies who talk too much. Like, you need to zip it. So I've just learned to start the conversation that way. Thank you very much. I will ask you if I need help and when I need help. They're like, cool. They have no problem. Let's work for them. We want to do this with our partner too. We want to have that conversation. Right? This was about building your partner relationship on the golf course so that you guys can go win more, have more fun, sign up for more events so it's not awkward and uncomfortable. And if the conversation in itself, just that whole idea of having that conversation is awkward and uncomfortable, it's worth asking yourself why. All that's gonna happen is a feeling, right? What's the worst that can happen? Give it a try. You got this. All right, have a beautiful week. And if I can help you, go to KathyHartwood.com and I'll talk to you next Wednesday. Bye.
