How High Handicappers Benefit From Mental Coaching with Christy Starkweather

If you think you need to be a low handicap or competitive golfer to benefit from mental coaching, Christy is going to share her experience.

She went from anxious and frustrated to playing with more calm and patience.

She uses several of the tools that I teach in this podcast to set intentions before the round which helps her enjoy the game more and play with more certainty.

Christy also shares how she used the coaching tools to show up as a empowered leader in her job.

You will be inspired on how she showed up to sign up for leagues, events with people she didn't know and even play in her club championship.

We all have only one brain. How we manage it directly affects our experience on the course and at work regardless of our handicap.

Christy is an awesome example of this.

If you want to learn more on coaching go to KathyHartWood.com

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Email Kathy at Kathy@KathyHartWood.com

Website: KathyHartWood.com

Transcript

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Christy Podcast

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi my golf friend. Welcome back to Above Par. So this week I have another interview with one of my clients. Her name is Christy, and she's a higher handicap golfer. And the reason that I wanted to bring her on today is to talk to you about how working on your mental game doesn't depend on how good of a golfer you are. You do not need to be playing in USGA events. You do not need to be playing in local events or trying to win your club championship because we all only have one brain. And how we manage it directly affects our experience on the course. And it works regardless of your handicap. So many times people think that they need to be better at the game of golf for them to work on their mental game. Like that's the last component that they go to or that they try to work on. That is not the case. You will fast track your progress the more you work on your mindset and how you manage your brain and your emotions out on the golf course. You will be able to excel so much quicker. You'll show up to your lessons better. You'll show up to practice better. You'll put yourself out there to try new experiences and playing in events, playing with people you don't know. You push yourself to limits much quicker and get uncomfortable and get through them so that you can grow with the game at a faster pace. Plus, as I always say, the thing that matters the most is not what you shoot. It's not your score, it's how you feel. I care about how you feel. And if you are a higher handicap and you're struggling, or you're just not happy with the game or your game, and you think the answer is for you to go practice more and hit prettier shots, you definitely want to listen to Christy and her story here. All right, let's get to it. Hi, Christy. Hi, Kathy. I'm so glad that you came on to talk to me and all the listeners of Above Par. This is Christy Starkweather, and she is living in Washington State and recently retired from an awesome job and is spending more time with her golf. Yeah. So what do you think you were struggling with that brought you to connect with me? My mental game.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

So I would get very frustrated. You know, I'd go out there and I'm thinking, gosh, everybody's hitting the ball great. How come I can't hit the ball great? You know, my handicap is super high. I'm I'm the worst golfer ever. I mean, nobody has this high of a handicap. So I would get really, really, really frustrated on the golf course, would try not to let it show, but I knew it was, you know, I was very short with the people I was playing with. Um, I would internalize a lot of things. And so I could just tell I was one of those people that was probably really frustrating to talk to on the course because I was frustrated with myself. And I really compared myself to others. And I'm in a group on Facebook, and somebody had mentioned, like, hey, I'm playing golf with a really frustrated golfer, and somebody else on that page said, Oh, you need to listen to Kathy Hartwood, uh, episode 55.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Oh, that's funny.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yep. And so that's what got me started. And so I listened to your podcast, and I'm like, you know, maybe this is something that can help me. Yes, I'm a high handicapper, but then it was like, well, gosh, does somebody like me need to do something like this? But I was just really getting frustrated. And so that's what brought me to you, and that's what I wanted to work on was really just calming my thoughts on the golf course and being happy with the way that I golf and not worrying about what others think and not worrying about how others play, um, really just trying to focus on that.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Yeah, and I think you make a good point because a lot of times people think that the time to work on their mental game is like once I get to a certain handicap, or if I start going and playing in, you know, national events or something bigger in my area. And the way that I talk about it, and I know you and I have talked about this a lot, is I don't care what your handicap is. If golf is a big part of your life, or if you're just not happy on the golf course and enjoying it and you want to, and you know that it's getting in your way of being able to play at a level that you can play at. Doesn't it doesn't matter what your handicap is, but where you are right now, you know, you're gonna keep it evolving and improving as you have more time to spend on the game. But it's that level of just being happy, right, and enjoying yourself that is but applies across the board, doesn't matter what uh, like I said, what level you're at. So I think that was really smart on your part, honestly, because not many people at that stage, most people go and just like, I need to take more lessons. And I'm not saying that you don't, we've talked about this, like the level of learning the game too. It's a little bit of a, you know, a little slow going ramping up to where we can learn all the parts and become more efficient. So it's not about not doing that, but for for you, the fastest way to get to that improvement and for you to enjoy the game was working on this part.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

Yeah. And you know, you bring up a really good point too about the lessons, because I have taken lessons on and off for the last, I don't know, 10 or 15 years, and they've been fine, right? But my headspace necessarily wasn't where it needed to be to absorb that lesson, maybe, right? And so, because I'd always go, gosh, I'm taking these lessons and I'm not really feeling an improvement, but yet I wasn't really putting in the time because maybe my job was busy or other factors in my life. And so, you know, when I reached out to you and decided, like, yeah, let's do some coaching, it was like, I have no problem investing in myself in other areas, right? Taking lessons, going to school, taking an art class, whatever it may be. I have no problem investing in that. So it's like, why not invest in this? Which can help me on a lot of different levels, maybe other than golf, too.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Right. We could bring that up because you applied some of this to some of the things you were going through a big transition in your job. Christy's was super successful at her job and was ready to retire. And a lot of things happened in there that you were able to use some of the tools that we worked on and help you over there. You're not alone in this. I when I talk with clients a lot of times, I do say how we do one thing, we do everything. So often I am talking with people about relationships or work, or because it affects your golf game, right? It was affecting for sure you going out there and enjoying your game and kind of getting into a sense of calm on the golf course. And we have so many things off the golf course affecting us. But how did you use the tools that we talk about relative to golf in your work environment?

SPEAKER_01 6:16

That's a good point. So, yeah, I was getting ready to retire. I had two uh major, I guess, events that that I used it on. So, number one, I was getting ready to retire and just announce it to my boss, and which made me very nervous because I thought, well, you know, what if they want me to stay? What if they ask this? And so I really wanted to be prepared for that conversation. And so one of the tools that you had given me was the steer tool, and to you know, kind of write it up and what are we doing and what's the action. And so I would write up a couple different scenarios. So I felt ready, really prepared for the conversation I was going to have with him and any subsequent conversations with others who also might have wanted to talk to me about my decision. So that was one thing. And the other thing was, you know, giving performance reviews. So that was early on before I had even announced the retirement, but I had to give somebody a performance review that wasn't favorable. And I mean, I've I've done that in the past, but I would always think, well, this is probably because maybe he wasn't performing because I was a bad manager or leader, and would almost take the accountability for the other person's actions. And after you and I were talking, it was like, you know what, this person owns you know their actions, and I've got the facts and I've got things where that person can improve, and here's their strengths and areas to improve on. So instead of going into that performance review, like, oh, I'm gosh, I'm sorry that I have to do this. You know, it wasn't on me, it's on that person. And we and we actually had a very constructive conversation about it, which was great, you know, and it made me feel like as a better leader, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

And you use the tools because I have people prepare before tournaments. I know you've mentioned that you prepare before all your rounds, um, you know, playing golf. And this was the same way you go into that conversation preparing so that we can feel more prepared and more certain about how we what outcome we want to get. And that's why it doesn't matter whether it's on the golf course or it matters with a re with a conversation with somebody at home or at work, you go through the same exact process. So that was like awesome. I forgot about the conversation that we had with uh with the review. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Afterwards, the the big thing for me was that instead of walking away from that conversation feeling like, oh, I'm a terrible manager, and here I need to improve myself, right? So that all of my employees are excelling. I didn't walk away from it feeling that. Now, yes, do I always want to prove my management style? Of course I do. But am I taking the blame and the accountability for that? No, you know, for the other people. And that was the key difference there.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Yeah. And that goes to which I talk about a lot of times is how on the golf course, if you worry about what other people are thinking, which was where you kind of start this conversation, we can see where that shows up for us in our relationships off of the golf course, whether it's in our work or our personal life or our social life, we do the same thing. We don't suddenly go to the golf course and say, oh my gosh, I'm worried about what people are thinking about my golf game, or I'm comparing myself to other people on the golf course, which was a lot of what you had talked about in the beginning. We do it everywhere. So once you start finding the empowerment and knowing how to handle those situations, you notice that they're coming up. Oh, I see this is the part where I start being this person who's a people pleaser, or I worry about what other people are thinking. I we catch it and then we can pivot in that situation so that we can show up the way that we want to show up. It's such a such a powerful tool. Yes, yes. Yeah. So then what you did was you decided what the heck? I'm gonna go play in some tournaments. Yes, yes. So tell tell us about that. I think the first one was that was that that mystery bus ride one.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Yes. So I joined a league and and I got involved in the league. So that was a big step for me just because I was nervous already about being in the league. And then we went to a destination unknown event. It wasn't really a tournament, but it was a big event. You know, you get on the bus, you don't know where you're going, you're playing with people you don't know. That these ladies that were in my league. So I played with ladies I had never met, which in the past was a big deal for me because I always had to play with somebody I knew to get that level of comfort. So I played with ladies I didn't know, which was a huge deal. I had a great time, they were fine, I was fine. Then I joined the club championship, which I thought, again, why would I join that? I have a high handicap. Only people with a low handicap should be in the club championship, which we all know that that's you know not necessarily true. They have the different levels. And again, I played in that great time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Yeah, I was so impressed with you because it takes so much courage to go and take that first step. I liken it too, like that we can hang out in indecision on deciding whether we want to do it or not. And our brain will offer up a ton of reasons why not to do it. You probably had a laundry list of reasons. I know we talked about this on all the reasons not to do it. And then maybe your list on why to do it is very short. It's like one foot on the dock and one foot in the boat kind of thing. And the the step of taking that action of just deciding and moving forward, then all of a sudden we start figuring out how we're gonna show up. So, what were you mostly afraid of like by signing up for a tournament or being hesitant to sign up for a tournament? And then what did you get out of it afterwards?

SPEAKER_01 11:26

I was most hesitant that I would, well, I play terribly. Um, that everybody's gonna play better than me. That people would say, why is she here? Look at she can't putting, she three putts, she hasn't been in the leg league long enough, just things like that. And normally in the past, if I ever signed up for anything like this, I would sign up and then I would just think those thoughts the entire time before I played, which is not very calm, certain, or confident. No, and so the the difference now, after you know, I've been talking to you, the difference now is that I've signed up for it. And instead of just saying, Okay, here's why I should not have signed up, here's why I am going to suck. I was like, okay, here's why I'm gonna go out and with intention, show up, be my best person, be my best player, and just play it. I was just I'm way more calm, yeah, way more calm, relaxed. I didn't go up there all worried. I was like, I it is what it is, you know. And and I think what you said to me one time, which cracks me up because I was like, I know, but you were like, Well, does everybody know what you shot for your round? I'm like, well, no, and then you're like, Well, do they care? And I'm like, Well, no, and then you give me that little look, right? Like, okay, so why am I so worried that I shot 35 over, that my handicap's a 36? No one else cares.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

No, right. And so by you going through that and going and playing, what did you get out of it? I mean, do you get a little more confidence? Are you a little bit more comfortable? Are you ready to take bigger steps down the road? What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Yes, I you know what? So after I did the club championship and and that was fun. And and I played my handicap, which it was I thrilled about because I didn't get too nervous to where I was really not playing well. I played my handicap, so I was fine with that. I just went out and did it. I was really happy. So then after that, then I signed up for a tournament in Arizona early October, and we played, and I actually won long putt. I saw that note. That's awesome. I'm like, gosh, I'm kind of bummed this season up here in Washington is ending because now I almost want to do like more of these tournaments and just get out there more. I mean, the more you play and the more you put yourself out there, I think the the better you become.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Yeah. And I think one of the other things that we talked about was just about your handicap and data. You're very good at this because maybe it's because of just the way your um, you know, your job and your brain works. Some people are really good at taking notes. I have clients who have notebooks full of papers. I've heard people, other clients are like, I don't do notes, but you're very good on the data. We talked a lot about this, about keeping track of really so being more of a scientist about your golf and your round versus us, where we have a tendency to be dramatic. And that's served you in a lot of different ways, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:11

Yeah. When I first met you, I was like, Well, I always three put, I three putt. And you're like, you always three putt every time. Like, oh yeah, I always three put. And so then I started keeping track of my putts. And I mean, I was like 2.8 average. So I was like, okay, so not three putt. But by starting to keep that track of that with every round, then I was becoming more intentional with my putting because it's like, okay, yeah, I don't want to three putt, right? So let's become more intentional and really try to get better at what you're doing. And I mean, some rounds I have, I'm down, I'm close to two. So, you know, I'm really thrilled. And for the most part, I've dropped my putting down and and I know why, you know, and so that's the difference. So before I would get on the green and say, if it was 20 feet away, I'd say, oh, this is a three putt. I mean, just automatically. Well, this is a three putt. Then of course I would three putt. Now I'm like, you know what, I can make that shot. Yeah, I can make it, I can make it in one. If I don't make it in one, I can definitely make it in two, right? You know, instead of just this automatic three putt, because when you say I'm automatically in a three-put, then what do you do? You three putt.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Right, right. It's so awesome that you won the longest putt in that tournament. I know that was so good. Were you standing at over that going, you know, it's possible I could make this? Yeah, I did, yeah. I love that. Okay, so you when we started, you were gonna sign up for some tournaments. You wanted to get your handicap down a little bit, you wanted to be a little bit more calm on the golf course, um, not worry about so much about what other people think. Was there anything else here? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

No, I oh, oh, oh, and I wanted to join well, that big tournament in Arizona that that doesn't. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Yeah, yes. Um, and so how are you going to use the tools? Like I know that we you've sent me notes and we talk about how you use steer very well, you collect the data, you're able to pivot a lot quicker. You go out and have a plan before you go out and play. And you've gone through the discomfort of taking that first step of courage and knowing that on the other side

Marker

SPEAKER_00 16:15

you were fine, right? You're totally fine. Like you didn't implode like some people are so afraid it's gonna happen. So, now what are you gonna do? Like, what do you have coming up? What's your next step goals?

SPEAKER_01 16:25

My next step, I really want to keep playing with intention and focus on the lessons. I know that with this desert classic coming up in March, that I still have some time to really work on my technical golf skills.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Working on your golf, especially when you're a higher handicap, you know, your opportunity to uh improve is much greater than someone who's a lower handicap because there's more room to work in there. And of course, you want to work. We've talked about this, work on your swing and make sure that you're working on things, the correct things. We've talked a little bit about this too, right? Like that's the beauty of keeping your data is knowing what is the weakest part of your game to work on, right? But going into that with a good mindset, you're gonna be able to absorb so much more of that information, yeah, as far as you're making those improvements. I'm just reiterating that it's not just all mental, it is especially at your level of handicap, there are skills still yet to be learned, and everybody needs to work on both parts.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

Yeah, I mean, my next one is gonna be sand traps, like how to get out of the bunker. Um, but I think the difference between uh pre-Cathy, right, and after Kathy is now, I really keep saying intention, but that is what I feel. It's like I'm intentional with what I'm doing on the course and I'm not panicking. You know, I know right now uh my bunker play is not great. You know, I I know that I played the other day, I got into a bunker, but instead of panicking, first off, saying I'm never gonna get out of this. Oh my God, what did I do? How did I, you know, instead of just berating myself, I was like, right, that's the next thing I'm working on, and this is why. So instead of not even paying attention to what I'm doing and just trying to get out of there as quickly as possible, I'd hit my shot, it's not going anywhere, hit my shot, it's not going anywhere. But it's like, okay, now I know what I'm doing and why it's not going anywhere, so that now when I take my lesson, I can tell my instructor, this is what I'm doing. Why is it not getting out of there? Right. So that they can help correct. Because before, because I know one time you and I were talking and we were talking about pitching, and you're like, Well, what are you doing? And I'm like, Well, I don't even know, right? I'm just hitting the ball. And after that conversation, I really paid attention. It's like, am I hitting it off the toe, whatever? You know, so those things, again, with that intention, then that helps me go to my instructor and be very clear. Like, here's here's where I'm struggling so he can help me pinpoint what I need to correct.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Which is also part of that post-round evaluation, right? Where you finish a round instead of just going, you know, I suck in the bunker and throwing our clubs in the trunk and never taking a look at it again. You go through your round and you evaluate what went well. How I'm a little bit more concerned about people and how they thought so well over things because we can miss shots, but this is a bigger area, right? That you definitely want to say on what didn't go so well. And then what would I do different the next time? Those are basically the steps in that evaluation. And then you can go and be a scientist about it. This is my next big hurdle to work on. It's so good.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Yeah, keep it just factual instead of, you know, try and take that emotion out of it. Of course, you want to hit something well, right? But let what's the facts?

SPEAKER_00 19:30

Yeah, which was the part about your putting. You're like, I always three putt. Okay, let's find the facts. Tell me how many times you actually three putt. And I think when you did that, you were like, okay, maybe it's not always, it's actually not as bad as I thought it was. I know, right? And this is what our brain does. And then we sit there and think that it's such a fact, and it's like then we start feeling bad about ourselves, and that's the beauty of being a little bit more scientific versus dramatic. And you've done an amazing job with that. Thanks. Yeah. So, Christy, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I've loved working with you. We have we have a lot of fun, right? Yes, we do. Yes, we do. You've gotten to the point where you can read my little bitty facial expressions. I'm like thinking, I need to Botox the heck out of my face just so I don't show what I'm thinking in my facial expressions.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Yeah. Well, when you get that little smile going, I'm like, oh gosh, I've said something where she's like, mm-hmm.

unknown 20:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Well, we've had a lot of fun and I've loved working with you. I really appreciate you coming on and sharing your experience and your growth with the game and especially how you've used you've used what we've worked on in all different areas of your life. And then you found more peace on the golf course. And because of that, I know you're going to have an amazing golf future. And I look forward to hearing all about your adventures now that you're retired.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Thank you. And I look forward to working with you more. I mean, I'm really excited now about golf, really. And um, you know, it's pretty thrilling for me.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah, you might have to move to a climate that you can get more golf in, though. I know. Well, I'll go to Arizona more. That's the next conversation. Right. All right, Christy. Thank you so much. Thanks, Kathy. All right, there you have it. There's Christy. I if you're a higher handicap and you've made it to the end of this podcast, I hope you can relate to her story. I hope you keep working on managing your brain so that you can show up with a better experience on the golf course. And if I can help you in any way, please head to kathyheartwood.com. All right, have a beautiful week. I'll talk to you all next Wednesday.