Think Above Par | Your Mental Caddy for Golf Mindset & Performance
Serious golfer? You know you’ve got the talent—but your brain keeps getting in the way. Think Above Par helps you master the mental game of golf, stop overthinking, and quit worrying about what others think on the course so you can play calm, confident, and consistent golf every round.
If you’re a serious golfer who knows you’re leaving shots out on the course, Think Above Par is your go-to podcast for mastering the mental game of golf. Hosted by Kathy Hart —a former Tour player, Top 50 Teacher, and Certified Mental Coach—each episode helps you strengthen your golf mindset, manage pressure, and play calm, confident, and consistent golf.
You’ll discover why you underperform under pressure, how to stop overthinking your swing, and what to do when you’re worried about what others think on the golf course. Whether you struggle with performance anxiety, perfectionism, or negative self-talk, Kathy shares proven mental-game tools to help you unlock your talent, enjoy the game again, and lower your golf scores.
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Think Above Par | Your Mental Caddy for Golf Mindset & Performance
What Other People Think About You and Your Golf
•Kathy Hart Wood•Episode 7
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Let's talk about those other people on the golf course and how they affect your golf.
Worrying about what other people say or think on the golf course (and off) can greatly impact how you show up.
In this episode, I show you a few different visuals and way to think so you can have more control in those situations that include other people and what they think about you - or what you think they think :)
Welcome to Above Par. I'm your host, Kathy Hartwood. I show you how to take more of your talent to the golf course without practicing harder, taking more lessons, or buying new equipment. I show you how to end the frustration of underperforming so you can start playing to your potential. This is where you are going to learn how to think above par so you can play below par. Let's get to it. Hello my golf friend. Nice to have you back. Back to Above Part, another podcast. And today I want to talk about other people. Let's talk about those other people on the golf course and how you feel like they're judging you, or maybe you're judging them. So often in golf, we worry about what other people are thinking, whether they're in our group, whether they're standing around watching you, whether they're going to look at your score on a scoreboard, right? We worry about what other people are thinking to the point that it affects our round and our performance. So I want to put this into a couple different pictures for you to get some visuals on to maybe help you relieve some of that worry that you have about what other people thinking so you can perform a little bit better. And this is what I have to tell you about judgment. People judge. You judge, other people are judging you, right? That's never going to go away. That is the way our brains are designed. We are designed to judge things. So we wake up and our brain likes to look at the universe and categorize things into things that we like as good and bad. It helps it save energy. It just naturally happens, good or bad, right or wrong, things we like, pretty or ugly, right? It helps us categorize things so that it saves energy. Um, and it's just what it does, right? So expect it. So let's just start there, right? We're gonna just uh just assume because you judge, right? We worry about being judged, but we also judge because it's just what we do. We also are worried about what other people think from the standpoint that we are a little bit tribal in nature, like we don't want to get kicked out of the tribe, right? We want to be accepted and liked. It is just natural for us to want to be liked. So we have both of those things at play, right? We don't want to get kicked out of the tribe. We like to be liked, but we also don't like to be judged, right? And little do we know, we're also judging at the same time. If I could give you one gift, my friend, it would be for you not to ever worry about what other people are thinking, because you are going to show up so much more as your genuine self and your game is going to show up on the golf course so much more as all the skill that you have so that you're playing to your potential so much greater when we can take that component out of the picture so that we're not changing or uh affecting our performance based on what other people are thinking. Right. So let me go through a couple different scenarios with you. So the first one is about other people when they come out and tell you what they think, right? So this is and we change what we're doing to make them happy. This would be like people pleasing for the most part. So this is what I want you to uh picture. I want you to picture that people are walking around with umbrellas, imaginary umbrellas, and underneath that umbrella is their own little formula that I've talked about in other episodes. I call it steer s-t-e-a-r, right? So they're walking around and they have a situation that they see, a circumstance, they have thoughts about it, they have their own, those thoughts create emotions and they take action from those emotions and the R is they get results, right? They have their own. And then you have your own, and I have my own. We all have our own little umbrellas with thoughts going on underneath them. So, one example I want to give you of this is that I have am often shushed. It's like it's not my, not so much anymore, I guess, but I was often have been shushed, right? So I I laugh a lot. I laugh probably pretty loud. And sometimes I can laugh for a long time where I get tickled, right? I have I get, I am my own best audience, but I also I have a funny bone, right? So I get tickled very easily. I see funny things everywhere. So sometimes I get laughing and people shush me. They want me to be quiet. Now, this is different than if I'm in a library or I'm in a Broadway play or at a tournament, right? Not situational where you're you want someone to be quiet so that you're not interrupting a performer. This is different. So I'm let's say I'm at the golf course and I'm laughing and someone might shush me, right? So, what my thoughts are underneath my umbrella is that there's some situation that I thought was very funny, and my actions are that I'm I'm my emotion is that I'm happy and I'm laughing, right? And I'm having a great time. And this other person underneath their umbrella is I'm their situation. My laughter is their situation or circumstance in the formula, right? And then they have thoughts about me. Their thoughts could range from she's really loud, right? And she's drawing attention, she's bothering me, just to make sure this isn't this isn't a situation where I should be quiet. Okay, I'm just giving you an example, right? So that that person then is either going to be annoyed, maybe embarrassed that I'm drawing attention to them. And then their action is they ask me to be quiet, right? They shush me, which is not my favorite noise to hear, is shh it does not, it does not sit well with me. But um, so they shush me. So they want at that given moment to change their situation. They want to change their circumstance, which is me laughing, so that they can feel better, so that they can have a better thought and emotion. And what I want to tell you is that you never want to change a situation with people so that you can feel better, particularly on the golf course. Okay, I'm not talking about anything dramatic, right? Like particularly on the golf course. So if I stopped laughing, right? If I stopped, then now I have this wonderful moment that's going on that I'm having a lot of laughter and I'm happy. And if I stop to make them happy, I'm doing it at my own expense, right? At my own joy and my own pleasure so that they can be happy. But the problem is not me laughing, the problem is their thoughts about me laughing. Are you with me? So when we change what we're doing to make other people comfortable or other people happy, right, we often are doing it at our own expense because I can promise you that most of the time I have in the past gotten a whole new umbrella that is dealt with being a little annoyed that I had to stop for somebody else or that I did stop for somebody else. We change what we're doing to make other people happy or comfortable. So, how does this show up on the golf course? So let me give you another example because this one happened as well. Chewing gum. So I've been on the golf course chewing gum before where I have asked people or sorry, where people have asked me to stop chewing gum. Now, underneath their umbrella is Kathy's chewing gum. I don't like that noise. Their emo is their thought, their emotion is that they're annoyed, and then they asked me to stop chewing gum. They want me to stop my action on the golf course so that they can feel comfortable so they can go about and play golf the way that they want to play golf. Now, conversely, there could be somebody else in my group who's like going, I love your gum chewing. It relaxes me. I get the great pleasure on it. Please don't stop. Right. So now, where am I chasing this? Right? I'm gonna am I gonna stop and make this person happy, or if I'm am I gonna keep going and make this person happy? We have no idea often what people are thinking, but these people, let's say, in this scenario, are sharing this with me. You do not want to change your behavior unless you're doing something totally out of bounds, right? That is affecting somebody or going to hurt somebody, clearly, right? At your own expense, because that does affect you on the golf course. Now you're preoccupied, right? Your brain's gonna get preoccupied with all the things that you've had to do to make other people comfortable. You chewing gum or my chewing gum is their problem, not my problem, right? So that this other ways that this will show up is maybe people will suggest to you to hit a certain club. They might say you're always standing in the wrong spot. You don't know the rules, you're doing it wrong. All these things that you might change, whether it's true or not, so that other person isn't annoyed, right? We do play with some difficult people at times, people who are rude, who are always telling you where to stand and what to do. They boss you around a little bit. And that makes it for a very difficult day. Conversely, you couldn't be the bossy person. I don't know this, right? Are you asking people to change constantly so that you can be comfortable? Are you the one asking me to quit chewing gum? Right? You might. I mean, I know it bothers some people, but hey, Tiger and Phil were out there chewing that CBD gum, right? It might annoy you, it might not, right? It's not my problem, right? You're asking me to stop so that you can be happy. And we never want to change our circumstance. We want to be able to pick a thought that we can then have an emotion that we can still play our game with it. This is why. Because you're always going to play with people who bother you. Always. So if you're going to eventually just totally control your group for the rest of your life and your golf course and the weather and all the things, then have at it. But you're going to run into annoying and difficult people off the golf course at well as well. And if you can't manage your thoughts about that person, if you're going to let them control your emotions and your day, then you're giving this person who you don't care for all the power over you. You're handing over the keys to your day to them. Now they're pulling the strings on the marionette of your marionette and your day, right? Oh, my gum chewing annoys you. All right, I'm going to chew louder. I wouldn't do that, but I'm just saying you're giving them so much power. You want to be able to manage your emotion, your thoughts and emotions about that. Those people get to chew gum if they want to chew gum. People get to laugh if they want to laugh. You don't want to change that. You want to change how you think about it. So people are walking around with their own little umbrellas. I want you to get that visual, right? And underneath those umbrellas are their own thoughts, imaginary umbrellas, right? Or their own thoughts and emotions about certain situations. We often go out and play and we put that we are in everybody's umbrella. They're all thinking about us and they all have their own thoughts and emotions. It's none of your business what their thoughts are. You can't control them, and half the time they're not even thinking about you anyway. But this is what I want you to know. Most of the time, what we're worried about other people are thinking are what is what I don't know if I screwed up that English there, but what we're worried about what other people are thinking is what we're thinking about ourselves.
unknown
Right.
SPEAKER_00
So let me say that again. If we're worried that someone thinks that we're a bad golfer, it's because we think we're a bad golfer. If someone's worried that we hit a bad shot and they're judging us, it's because we think we hit a bad shot. So Wayne Dyer said, when you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. So one of the things that I would say to my daughters when they were in middle school, when they would come home and they'd be upset that someone called them a name, right? Maybe they called them stupid or they called them ugly or something like that. And I would say, Well, I said, Did they call you a watermelon? And they're like, they'd they'd look at me and they'd cross their eyes. They're like, no, they didn't, why would what? What? Why would they call me a watermelon? Well, I don't know. Do you think you're a woman? No, that would be stupid if they called me a watermelon. I'm like, of course, because you don't resonate with being a watermelon, right? It only bothers you because what they said resonates with you. It's because what is what you think of yourself. So let me give you an example. I was out playing with some ladies who are beginner golfers, which I usually don't focus on my game so much. It's not my time, it's their time when I'm out there playing. So I have pretty low expectations, but they were pretty new. And I went out and I hit this. Uh, so they couldn't hit it very far, was my is my point. They were missed a missed way more shots than they hit well. So I hit a shot out there on some hole, and you know, no, I don't know, it hit about 150 yards, but I hit it pretty bad. It went into the left rough and it was, you know, a big hook. And they and in my head, I was thinking, oh my God, they're gonna think this is horrible. They're gonna think I'm a horrible golfer.
unknown
Right.
SPEAKER_00
And they were, they were all ecstatic. They were like, oh my God, I've never seen anybody hit it so far. And the curve you put on it's beautiful, right? I was like, I little do they know that I'm totally dead and cannot get up and down from where I hit it. But I thought that they were going to judge me based on how I felt about that shot. I felt it was a horrible shot. I felt it was pretty bad. I judged it with all these words that were negative words. And meanwhile, they thought it was amazing. So their opinion of me, their judgment of me was nothing of what I thought it was about. Conversely, a couple holes later, right? I go and I make an eagle. So I par five, I hit the green and two, and I make a putt. And when I end up finishing off the putt, the ladies are already in their golf carts. They've walked off the green. They have zero clue that I that I just made an eagle. They have no idea that I hit this like awesome looking fairway wood into the green, into and up a couple feet from the pin and made a putt. I'm thinking they're gonna think I'm amazing because it was an amazing shot. And meanwhile, they had they had no idea, none, zero. It was it was such an awkward moment. It was so anticlimatic. But so our opinion or what we're worried about, what other people or what we think other people are going to think is often a reflection of ourself. It doesn't always match what they're thinking, though, right? Because clearly these women weren't matching what I was thinking about my shot. So when you're going up and thinking that you're a horrible golfer or you're playing around a golfer hitting embarrassing shots, what you're thinking other people are thinking, because you're guessing, right? We don't know. They all have their own little umbrellas, and underneath those are their own little thoughts. Half the time they have nothing to do with you. If it's the grounds crew, I can promise you it has nothing to do with you. It totally has to do with when they're having their next break and going home. So it's just good to know and something to look at that the more you're worried about what people think about you, take a look at what you're thinking about yourself over that shot or what you're thinking about yourself during a round. I haven't I know a lot of people who get very upset when people make comments about how they don't know the rules and they get very self-conscious. And because because their thoughts about that are that they don't know the rules. They don't think they know the rules. If you knew the rules, you would never have that thought. If you hit a great shot into the green, one that you thought was great on your terms, on your the way that you judge it, you wouldn't worry about what everybody else thought. Wouldn't even be in right, you wouldn't even be spending your time on it. But if you hit a bad shot into the green, in the water, maybe before the green, now you're thinking and projecting what other people might be thinking. It's because you think you hit a bad shot. It puts so much pressure on your golf game when you're really just guessing. Right? You can't control that part of it. They get to have their own opinions, they get to have their own little umbrellas with their thoughts over it, and they will, no matter what you do. People are going to have opinions about you and your golf game. All that matters is what you think about yourself, all that matters is how you treat yourself. So, as I said, if I could give you one gift, it would be the gift of not worrying about what other people think so that you can truly show up as your genuine self on and off the golf course. All right, my friend. Talk to you later. If you want to learn more about how to work with me and some of my programs, head on over to KathyHartwood.com.
