How a Year of Leaning In Lead to Personal Golf Bests for Karen Rainey

Karen Rainey is a private client who proves the work is never done.
She chose to keep leveling up her game and her mental skills as she challenged her self to work through discomfort and vulnerability to have her best golf year to date.

She had several personal bests, took her game on the road, and showed up for herself in some challenging moments in 2023.

Karen talks about how desire to live a full life keeps her doing the work you find in this podcast...and the results have shown up for her on and off the golf course.

If you want to be inspired by what is possible for your golf and personal life, you do not want to miss this episode with Karen Rainey.

#nevergiveup #takinghergameontheroad

Learn more about Kathy and how to work with her at KathyHartWood.com

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, my golf friends. Welcome back to Above Par. I am so glad that you're here. I hope you had a wonderful week. So, in this episode, I have welcomed back another client to talk about their experience with the coaching and how they've used the skills and this work to level up not only their golf game, but also different areas of their life. And in this podcast, I'm interviewing Karen, who's been one of my clients for quite a while. She's been on this podcast before. She's inspired podcasts. I uh went Whitewater Rafting with her, which, if you listen to that episode, she's responsible for all of that and inspired that podcast. But she has really done some amazing work this year. She's gotten some fantastic awards, had a lot of bests, and has been able to keep doing the work because we're never done managing our brains and taking it to a next level. And I think she really explains it wonderfully in this podcast. I think you're gonna get a lot out of it. So let's get to it. This is my interview with Karen. Hey Karen, thank you for joining me today on Above Par. Oh, thank you for having me back. I'm really excited to be here. So Karen was the star of episode 42. Somewhere in there. Oh, you know, I know you know. I think it's 42. So we we worked a little bit more this year and you had another amazing golf season. I think it would be so valuable if you shared maybe the contrast to how those two years have differentiated and how you've had some growth this year. What changed for you or up-leveled?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Oh well, great question. Um, I've had a little time to think about it. So if I had to boil it down to one thing, I think it would be an expanded thinking or mindset. I think that's the best way to capture it. I was a little rigid and uh and tight. And with your help in the work, I've really seen new possibilities and had an expanded, a very deepened experience this year for sure. It has been an amazing season.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Okay, so tell everybody what an expanded mindset would look like versus is it more like you you were going through a little bit of tools and practicing and trying to learn those skills? And then you just, as you got the tools of managing your mind and you looked at you could grow your mindset a little bit bigger. Is that what you're talking about?

SPEAKER_01 2:20

A little bit. I think it was more of I had the mindset of of one and done. Um, last year, you know, I put so much energy into our state senior amateur, and then that came and it was over, and I hadn't really prepared. I hadn't really thought what's next. So the season was good, but it it left me um, that was all I was thinking about was just our senior amateur. And you know, we worked through the winter and we we talked about. Um, I can remember when you say, you know, there there's enough birdies to go around. It's not this is not limited. You can go and do so, you know. I started March and went to Arizona to play in the desert classic. And that was a completely new experience. Um met my fitness coach, met you in real life, uh, all new experiences. Just had an amazing time. I wouldn't have done that before. I would have that would have been way too far out of too uncomfortable. I wouldn't have put myself out there like that.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Right. So that's a good point. So you've gone from having these local tournaments, because this year you expanded yourself to some more national and state tournaments and now traveling a little bit more, taking your game on the road. So, what shifted for you to do that? Because that takes a lot of courage. It takes that first step to go out there and sign up. It takes courage just to, you know, download or however the application is and send it in. And then your main, your mind will start, of course, telling you all the reasons why that was a horrible idea and you should not do it and get your money back before the clause year. Yeah, or whatever it is. So, how did you conquer all of those things? Because you really did put yourself out there this year and tried new tournaments and new experiences. And uh, I know we talked through a lot of those. So, and getting with actually getting with a new group of people, right? So that's that feeling of you belonging, right? You can sit there and we can we can keep ourselves at the country club level or at the local level, and then we start expanding our horizons looking state or national. And then our brain will tell us that, well, we don't belong there, or we're not ready, or that's like for other people, right? We have to work through all those obstacles in our brain. And I know you ran into some of those.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

I did. A lot, a lot of the work that helped me was when we, especially preparing for the last tournament, was what's the worst thing that can happen? Um, so going through worst-case scenario was extremely helpful. Um, as well as we talked a lot about the hard why. Why do I why do you play golf? Why do you, you know, go out? And so I my why, you know, I want to, I want to live a deep, rich life. And that means that we've worked through the um sometimes that means you get a gut punch. It it's not all rainbows and butterflies. And right, and that's what makes life worth living. And letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be, and just finding out who I can be. That's been a a great discovery this year of how how good, you know, how how good can this be?

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Yeah. I think you put it, I think you summed it up with possibility, right? We're limited by our own thoughts and our on possibility, right? We can keep ourselves just contained to a small area. And then once you start seeing little um little areas of growth or little cur you taking courage and not crumbling and falling apart and surviving, and you're like, oh, I I didn't fall into a million little pieces here, like the world did not come to an end because I either shot the score or I didn't play as well, or I showed up, you know, those people I do have a sense of belonging. And then we start seeing more and more possibilities for ourselves down the road. I think the other thing that's so interesting too, and I know that we've talked about this, is it's so easy for our brains to think that once I do that, then I'm done and I got it and it's all figured out and life will be amazing and I'm complete. And thank you, Kathy. I'll never talk to you again, right? It's like I got it, right? And I'm not saying that people don't carry on and can have to stay with working with me forever. But my point is is that once we get to that place, like we win the tournament or we shoot the score or we have the handicap, we get there, and then we're like, hmm, we our brains still want more, and we realize that life is still 50-50 there. I mean, it's it's 50% good and it's 50% not so good, right? Nothing has changed, right? It's just we're still the same person in a different environment. And then we want to like, now we're like, okay, I want to go to this, I describe them as islands, right? I'm I want to go to this next island. And once we learn the process of going from island to island to island, which is that I call it the river of you know misery, that's what my coaches call it, right? But it's like that level of discomfort to go and get to that island. Then we're there, we're like going, okay, I don't have to do that ever again. It's not the case. And when we can start embracing that, oh, I can go through this discomfort to get here. And now I want to go over there and I know how to go through discomfort and I'm willing to do it, and I'll get over there, then the possibility is endless.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Right. And that that's a huge contrast. I was really excited for the season. June came, we had our state senior amateur. It's the fifth time I've played in it. It was my worst performance of my five years in the past that would have kind of really rattled me and made me retreat and withdraw. And it was an aha. That was um, I remember our call during that tournament. And and that was that was the moment where my mind could truly embrace, hit as many shots as you can from your preferred state and count it up at the end. That's all you can do. That's all you can do. And that was it was that tournament, it was that moment that I was able to grasp that and believe it and and embrace it. And I was so excited. And then I had my USGA qualifier a couple weeks later, and I had played a great practice round. I was excited about it, and I went and it was it was brutal. And I finished seventh, I needed to finish fourth or better to qualify. And uh, so June was just one gut punch after another. And once again, old Karen would have been like, yeah, I think that's enough. I'm done. And uh, but this time I was like, okay, what's next? I've I've learned so much from these two experiences, I can move forward, I can do more. Came to our state amateur, and uh it was the best performance I've had in three years. I was able to bring home a little senior award from that tournament, which was so sweet. And the moment I was most proud of last day, number 10, short part four, long story short, I took an eight. And uh old Karen would have been, that's it. If you blew it, it's over, here we go again, you know. And uh this year I was able to wrap my mind around what's the difference in that, and and four bogeys on the card, added up at the end, and I finished the back nine strong even after the eight. And that that was just a fantastic feeling to be able to do that. No, old Kieran, I don't think could have done that, but so this and it it was just fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

Right, you make a good point there. It's like a lot of times we we can get thinking that if I shoot a certain score, it'll feel great. But sometimes we get to feel great because of us overcoming things that happen during the round. Some of my, and I made comment about this before with you, like like one of my favorite rounds I ever played was when I shot 77 in a professional tournament. And I was one of the only female pros playing, and I was just hitting it horrible that day. But I grinded it out. I didn't give up because it was gonna be a big number if I didn't do that. And those are days that can feel really good because we prove to ourselves, just like you prove to yourself in that situation, what you're capable of when you have not so great things happen on the golf course, because not so great things are gonna happen on the golf course.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Right. This year, after after really adopting the mindset and really believing it, um, I think I had six different scores that were personal best for me on different courses that we play here. And you're just like, and I wasn't even thinking about it. And and that once again, just another beautiful experience. You add it up in the end, and you're like, wow, that was a that was a good score, you know, right? But but I did the things, and and I know I do the things sometimes, and it's not gonna be the best score, but other times I do, and it and it will be, and uh so that's that's very enjoyable, also.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah, is I I remember getting texts from you like another personal best, another personal best. I was like, wow, that's awesome. Some of your lowest golf ever this year. But when you know what you're capable of, right, and you feel like you can manage your mind, it's such a more peaceful place to play golf from, right? It's not like we're afraid to go out there uh and be at the effect of our golf game or at the effect of the day or who we're playing with or certain situations. You learn to manage everything so you feel more in control. It's like bring it on. That's what I always say. I want all my clients to have this bring it on attitude, like just I can handle all of it because I have the tools and I've gone through some experience like you have, where you've been able to put it in your memory bank that you can tap into. Like that's so important, too, is to give ourselves credit for those moments and those wins, no matter how small they are, just for the sake of your own uh brain, so that you can pull it up when you're on the golf course and you need it.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Right. That was it was another just one of the one of the moments where you have an opportunity to reflect. We play a golf course, um, Stonewall Resort, it's an honor of Palmer course. It's very challenging, but we play events there. And another one of your clients played in a team event with me there and she had sworn that golf course off. So it was exciting to see that she would step up and say, because of the work she did with you, she's like, I'm gonna go back, I'm gonna go do this. So that was exciting. Yeah. And there's a few holes that usually by the time I get to 11 or 12, old Karen was like, Oh, you know, you you should just be happy you're out here. This is great, and and just, you know, get yourself together. And and this year, it was so, so nice to make that turn and not have those feelings and just be able to say, it's fun to play Stonewall. Yeah, it's a beautiful course and not be worried about all the other things.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Oh, it was great. We do that so often. Like, I should just be happy I'm out here, I'm so fortunate, it's a nice course, I belong to a nice club, I have all these things and I'm playing a game for the love of Pete. Why can't I be happy? But all we're doing is shaming ourselves for having an emotion, which um makes it worse. Right now we're just layering on a negative emotion with some shame on there for having the emotion, and it's not useful. So if any of you are listening and have a tendency to do that, I should just be so happy I'm out here. What the heck is wrong with me? Yeah, you want to first call first cure for why you're not so happy on the golf course before you start shaming yourself in that situation. Uh, or the other one that people do is they tell uh, what is it? Just oh, just calm down, just just relax. Like, like we can force that on ourselves. The only time I can force just being relaxed is when I go get a manicure and they're slapping my hand, like relax, relax, relax, right? It's like you gotta take the energy out because you're stiff. But otherwise, when people are telling you on the golf course, you know, you just need to calm down and just relax and just have fun. It's I think that's probably an irritating thing to say to other people because they're in a place where they're not doing any of that. And if they if you knew how to do that on purpose, I would think you'd be doing it anyway.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and I think you also said something else that really if I had to sum it all up, um, it just this year has been the year of leaning in. And I think that's what you mean by bring it, you know. But for me, instead of feeling at the effect of the golf course and the emotions and the thoughts, it it was leaning in to say, I have agency, I have power, I'm the one who gets to decide how I feel and how I show up. And um that is uncomfortable, but it was so worth it. And I'm looking forward to 2023, um, which feels amazing because I uh that hasn't always been the case. Left the Southern seniors just inspired and uh with a renewed passion for practice and improving my skill set. And this season I have met some of the most amazing people from all over. And I have deepened connections with the people I love, my friends, my family, and it's all it's all related to the work we did that came under the umbrella of golf, but it it's about life.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

So yes, it is about life. You're so right. I think golf reveals all the rest of the way that we manage our mind, and usually it's a symptom of other things. And wherever we want to start nicking away at it, it's just it's all encompassing, everything goes under one umbrella. And hopefully, when people do do the work, everything levels up, which I think you have seen.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

It does. It yeah, you you put yourself out there, you have to be vulnerable, but but it gives it a depth and it just you know, it's like it's the joy of of loving and living. It really is.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Nice, Karen. So good. Okay, so tell me and tell everybody what your goals are for 2023. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_01 16:08

I I want to continue on this path. I uh I shared with my husband last night. I feel like I'm on the edge of this beautiful plane with unlimited paths and just um unbelievable beauty in front of me. As far as goals, I want to I want to continue to, like I say, I definitely want to continue to grow, work on my skill set. I'm already looking at possibly uh um a mid-am in Houston, um, another senior in Hot Springs, Arkansas, as well as, you know, I I want to continue to support the West Virginia Golf Association. They have been wonderful. I uh received notification the other day that uh I'm gonna get senior women's player of the year. And yeah, this one is just sweeter, if that was even possible than before. So yeah, I'm congratulations on that.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

I thank you. That is awesome, well deserved.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Um I'm really excited. It's uh the power of tenacity, you know, just showing up and not letting the eights on a par four derail you, yeah, and just hashtag never give up.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Yeah, hashtag never give up. That is so good. And so you're traveling more this next year, so this is gonna be exciting. Taking your game on the road. I love it. That's a good hashtag. Yeah, taking your game on the road. I love it. Well, I appreciate you. I love working with you, and I love white water rafting with you too. Not so much, actually. But um, thank you again for being on my podcast. You are my repeat interview podcast guest. So well, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

I can it has been a roller coaster, and that's okay. I've embraced that and I appreciate you uh riding this roller coaster with me.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

And yeah, let's see where it goes. Yeah, for sure. It's anything is possible. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Karen. Thank you. Well, there you have it. There's Karen. Hashtag never give up. Hashtag taking your game on the road. So the big question is where are you taking your game in 2023? What goals do you have? If I can be of any help, make sure you reach out to me at Kathy at KathyHartwood.com or check out my website, kathyheartwood.com, for my membership that'll be opening up in January, where you can get more information and more coaching from me. All right, my friends, have a beautiful week. I'll talk to you next Wednesday.