Golf Judgement

Most golfers worry about being judged about their shots, their score, their swing...you name it.

Fear of judgement holds us back from showing up as our true selves on and off the golf course.

I want to help you reduce your fear of judgement. In this episode, I share three points about golf judgement; who judges, what the judgements mean about you, and how to minimize worrying about judgement.

If you want to focus more on the shot at hand instead of what other people might be saying about you, I got you covered in this podcast.

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Transcript

Golf Judgement

Kathy: Hello, my friend, how are you? 

I am so, so glad you're here. I am so glad you're listening. I'm so glad you're listening to today's podcast too, because I think this is going to help you everywhere. Not just on the golf course though. I think that actually about pretty much every podcast, epic. Every episode. I do. I always think that someone can apply it to somewhere. At least I'm hoping that's my vision. I'm hoping that people can take this and apply it to different areas of their life. 

Just change the word golf in there. Change the situation. 

But regardless today's about judgment. So that can happen definitely anywhere, but we're going to talk about golf judgment in particular. Because I do focus on golf here. 

But judgment is just one of those things that so many people struggle with, they worry about what other people think. 

You're worried about being judged. 

And when we worry about being judged, we don't show up as our best and authentic self. And that even means how you swing. How you are over the golf shot, you making your best swings, you being focused. When you're standing on the 18th green, there's a little small gallery sitting around 18, or there's people out eating lunch and they're watching you and your mind is on. I wonder what they're thinking. I better make this. So they don't think horrible thoughts about me.

You're not present and you're not focused over that putt and guess what's going to happen. You're probably going to miss it. Sorry to say. That's not how you want to play your best for sure is not being present and focused. Being outside and focused on somebody else is not how you want to play your best golf. 

We can be worried about all kinds of things on the golf course. We have people judging, maybe what we're wearing or how we're talking or what we chose to have for lunch. I mean, it's endless on how we worry about what other people think about us and being judged. 

So I want to bring up three points about golf judgment today. 

To help you just get a different picture about it 

so that you can transfer your attention from what's in other people's heads to what's in your own head. That's the only one that matters. 

And this isn't something that just applies to the average amateur. You know, I remember reading a quote from Lee Westwood, who said that everything shifted when he stopped worrying about what other people were thinking. I think he's in his mid-forties, making that comment, playing a lot of really great golf, but he was worried about what other people were thinking. 

I just want to say we all do this because we're designed this way. Which is good to know, because we don't want to get kicked out of the tribe. This is a primitive part of us that we don't want to get kicked out so that we have to fend for ourselves and, and be isolated from the tribe because that's a survival mechanism for us. We did that group hunting kind of aspect. 

Plus we needed other people to procreate back in the day. So getting kicked out of the tribe, that we would die off as a species. So it is kind of a little bit of a primitive thing. The other part is that our brains judge. It's designed to judge it's designed to look at things. And decide if we like it, or we don't like it. 

It's just a quick process for us on our brain goes through so we can get through the day-to-day life. 

So when we worry about people judging us, The truth of the matter is that we all judge, we all have a judger. 

It's part of our trait. It's one of those things that you would want to notice when you start judging. 

And yes, other people are judging. It's just what they do. 

Now whether you're the subject of their judgment. This, we do not know.

But I want to tell you this judgment is a feeling that only we can experience. 

So, whether we're judging or we feel like we're being judged, we're the only people that can feel that. 

It's one of those things that self-imposed.

So since judgment is a feeling that only we can feel, it only can come from our thoughts. 

Not what other people might think and feel about…We can't feel their thoughts only they can feel their thoughts. 

All right, so this can hurt your brain just a little bit. So let me go through this one more time. 

When we think people are judging us. It's self-imposed because it's just our thoughts. Their judging us that is creating that feeling of fear of judgment. We can’t feel their thoughts unless we take them.

And we make a mean something about ourselves. 

So think of it this way. If you're going to judge yourself, which we have a tendency to do it, right. So if you said some really judgemental things about yourself. Like I'm not tall enough or I'm not thin enough, or I don't swing fast enough or I'm not strong enough. 

I'm not very good golfer. I don't finish very well. If you've said all those things to yourself, judging yourself. That would feel crappy probably. And you feel that inside of you because they’re your thoughts. 

Now, conversely, if you are going to say those things about somebody else. If you said she's not very good and she doesn't hit it very far and he never plays well in tournaments and we judged other people. We also feel that. They don't. 

All right. They might be skipping along whistling, but we're having these thoughts in our head about them. We're the only person who feels that. So when we judge other people, it also doesn't feel well because we're being judgy. 

Probably not a very positive feeling. 

So my first point that I want to make is that we're the only people who can feel judged and we can't feel judged from other people's thoughts. 

Judgment is something that we feel inside of ourselves. When other people have thoughts and feelings, they feel judgment or feel judgy inside of them. But we can't feel other people's thoughts and emotions, unless of course we totally adopt it and believe them.

Which brings me to my second point is that the things that we're imagining are in people's heads. Like if you had a gallery around 18. And you're picturing them thinking all these thoughts in your head. They're like, oh my gosh, they're thinking that if I don't make this pot, I'm totally choking. Lose this tournament. 

They think I'm a horrible golfer. You're cracking open their hat. You're popping up at the top of their cranium and, and, and manipulating their thoughts. That's what you think they're saying. 

Right. We have no idea. 

But we create the story in our head. That that's what they're thinking. And that's how they're judging us. I promise you what you crack up in their head and put inside their head are the thoughts and the judgements you have about yourself. 

They have to be inside of you first, before you can possibly transpose them to somebody else. 

And the only reason you're putting them in their heads is because it resonates with you. 

And while I know you've heard this a ton of times, most people aren't focused on you. As much as we think popup people are focused on us. 

But the more we worry about people judging us. It's just really good to look at what we think they're saying and know that that is a reflection of the thoughts that we have about ourselves, how we judge ourselves. That's why it feels so crappy. It's because we probably already had those thoughts ourselves about ourselves at that moment. 

Like I don't finish. Well, I'm going to blow this. I'm going to choke. We're gonna think I'm a bad putter. 

I look horrible in this outfit. 

I look like a sweaty 

It was like, whatever we think they're thinking about us is already, things that we think about ourselves. 

And this is the most important point that I want to make. 

 The less that we judge ourselves. The less, we worry about people judging us. 

And the less we judge other people. 

But when we can stop judging ourselves so much. 

Then we stop judging other people so much. And when we stopped judging other people so much, we stop worrying about being judged. It's a trifecta. Of judgment. 

Right. So the more you're worrying about what other people are thinking, it starts with you, it starts with you judging yourself less on and off the golf course. I don't care. 

Get in the habit of not judging yourself as much. Then stop judging other people so much, let them be them. Just like you want you to be able to be you. If that was a good sentence. I don't know. Just let them be all the things. They're just a human trying to do the human thing. Just like you are a human trying to do the human thing. 

We're going to mess up. We're going to succeed. Nobody is better than anybody. 

And the more compassion we can have for people as they're going through this process. And we judge them less, we will feel less judged. And that's such a more beautiful place to come from feeling less judged. Feeling freer, feeling less self-conscious. 

And allows us to show up so much more authentically with our true selves, because we're not worried about what other people are thinking. Because we feel better about ourselves. 

So catch yourself, judging other people, catch yourself, judging yourself. 

Allow people to be flawed, allow them to be human. 

And allow yourself to mess up and have your own back. 

So the next time you're standing on 18. When there's a gallery out there, you'll be able to focus over that putt and make And not need the putt. And other people's admiration. 

To validate yourself worth.

All right. My friends. 

If you need any help. Or you wanna look for some resources, make sure you head to KathyHartWood.com.

Have a beautiful week. I'll talk to you next Wednesday